I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize