i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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