I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
