Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
