Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
