probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
