I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
