Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
