I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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