Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
