This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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