I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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