dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When are your genitals available?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
