also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
