I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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