we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
