No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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