i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
