She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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