Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
