the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
