He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
