Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
