And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize