Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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