I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
