dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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