no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
