Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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