How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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