You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
