im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
