Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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