If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wear drunk well.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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