she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
