I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i out mim tonsoeep
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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