Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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