this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
