I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
