how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
