i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The uberlube is also flammable
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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