Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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