Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
