She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
