no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
