Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
