would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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