I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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