Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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