We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
