Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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