Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
