Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
