He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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