I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
