I cannot find my penis.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize