If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
