how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
