K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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