What did we do last night that was yellow?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
