i'm signing you up for texting rehab
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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