peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
