Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
