I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
