I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
