The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
