He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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