How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
