Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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