I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
