I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
