I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
