I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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