It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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