So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
