Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
