You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
two words...techno handjob
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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