Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
