i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
