I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize