This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
