Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
