I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize