ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
A+ Viking dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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