It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
