EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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