too bad you live with your parents still
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
