Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
