I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
