i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
