For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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