I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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