Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
