he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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