I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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