next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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