At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize