My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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