This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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