you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have post one night stand depression
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize