you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
