I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
