come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
