"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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