Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize