Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
