Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
