Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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